Thoughts on Love

Long Song Away by Kevin Ross

Thoughts on Love

I haven’t put my feelings to the written word in a minute! I always use the excuse “I’m tired.” “I’m working.” I have been doing a lot of reflection lately on love, life, and work. This piece is going to be on love.

 

Anyone who knows me knows I love love, especially for others. It’s kind of who I am. I love to see people happy and growing and blossoming in love. Yes, I know couples go through something. But if they’re genuinely in love, then I always find the beauty in that. There’s a glow to it.

 

But it’s strange with me, love and all.

 

I can’t say I’ve ever BEEN in love. I’ve felt love. I’ve loved others. I love my family and my closest friends. But being IN love? Something about it even thinking it rubs me the wrong way. Don’t get me wrong. I love love, and I love that I have friends and acquaintances that have found a love worth having. But love? For myself? I shudder to think of it!

 

I don’t know if it’s that I’m afraid to be intimate (mentally or physically) with anyone, or am I afraid to be vulnerable? I hate the idea of being vulnerable with a person who isn’t willing to go the same length. “But how will you know you’ve found the one if you’re not willing to be vulnerable?” I don’t. And, as much as I would love to be in love and feel love, a part of me doesn’t want to risk it. It’s all mental for me, really. Strategic, even. If I don’t let myself feel or be vulnerable or not admit to anything, I can’t get hurt, right? I will, indeed, find ways to self-sabotage if I do catch the feel of love or feel like someone else loves me. Is it genuine? Maybe I should do this to see if they’re sincere about wanting to be with me. 

 

It’s crazy, really. To be caught up in your life where, on the one hand, you’re content with who you are as a person. You’ve accepted yourself as being somewhat of a loner. An introvert. Anti-social, even. You realize your quirks include being off. And you’re okay with that. It’s those moments that, while I find solace in them, I know I end up playing myself in the end. But question whether people are truly for you. As much as I love love and try to be as loving and friendly as I can humanly be, there’s always that nagging doubt, that “am I worthy of what I put into the universe, of love and companionship?” It’s like, I’d really like to be in a relationship, but I don’t know if I’m ready for the universe to say, “here is your Boaz!” If that makes sense.  

When Is A Good Time?

WHEN IS A GOOD TIME?

So, where do you stand?

That’s the question that you face, whether you are in the NFL, a fan, or a watcher?

Where do you stand on protesting, the national anthem, and the choice to kneel or stand?

For many, the national anthem and the flag are seen as “a symbol of pride,” “a representation of everything that is good about our country” – if you stand against it, something’s wrong with you, that you must hate America and the military if you do not stand for them. For others, the national anthem does not stand for them – the flag does not wave proudly for them.

So, why do we look and talk past each other on how we view common symbols?

Colin Kaepernick, former quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers, began kneeling last season during the National Anthem as a sign of protest/to bring awareness to the social injustice that black Americans face in the judicial system as well as at the hands of police departments. Not many players joined him in his initial protests. But, after being blackballed at the end of the season from joining any team, many kneeled, sat, or prayed during this season as a sign of unity for Kaepernick – some also for the injustice that people of color in America face.

So, again I ask, where do you stand?

Some are anti-protest, stating that politics and sports don’t mix. If they want to protest, protest on your own time, not on the time of your employer or when many watch the game for relaxation. Some, like Trump, feel that those who protest during the game should be fired. Trump took it way out of line by calling these protesters “sons of bitches.” Is it only acceptable to protest when the protesters look like you, or if they protest what you are against? Why is it so deplorable for people to peaceably protest? Can’t it be possible to protest social injustice without being anti-American flag or anti-national anthem? Am I a staunch supporter of the flag and the anthem? Not particularly. But I don’t blindly pledge allegiance to anything just because it’s a part of the country’s identity. At the end of the day, I’m pro-humanity. Shouldn’t we, a “Christian nation,” be more concerned that we all have equal rights and protection under the law, and not an anthem that can change at any moment? And shouldn’t we be more concerned about a leader who is more dictator-esque than presidential? Yes, he is more dictator. Many that cheer his stance should be wary that he will, one day, dictate how their lives should be lived.

So, what’s the point in being anti-protest, especially for those who are people of color, women, and are otherwise marginalized? Are you that deep into your own world that you cannot be pro-humanity? Or are you blindly patriotic? Is it worth it?

Where do you stand?

Are we as democratic and free as we claim we are when it comes to freedom of speech and freedom to protest in regards to improving our society, or are we a dictatorship and a totalitarian society – where not standing up for something that some see as not representing us all as unpatriotic?

Do you stand?

#TakeAKnee

CBS news story: “Cleveland school district ordered to desegregate, community divided”

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cleveland-school-district-ordered-to-desegregate-community-divided/

‎Here’s my thing: I’m not saying I’m pro-desegregation, I’m not saying I’m anti-desegregation. If the need for them to desegregate is due to funding inequality, why not make funding to minority schools equal to some of the more affluent public schools? Why not raise expectations of all students and not just a few? Why not offer various programs in different schools, like STEM, home economics, etc., instead of concentrating certain programs to certain schools? 
‎
If the school district is worried about white flight from public schools because of the desegregation order, what does that say about the area? Are you worried about the academics side? Old ways of thinking that minorities are inferior? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have a voice in where your child goes, but I never did understand the whole white flight complex.

Lost Angel

LOST ANGEL

Lost angel, falling ever so softly from grace
Pondering what reality is, feeling like I’ve lost touch with it
Lost angel, restless and dark
Like a fire is constantly under my feet, like my soul can never sleep
Lost angel converses with its ego, wondering what and where it needs to be
Ego needs to be stroked, emotions saved, its mind needing payment and reassurance
Not knowing the distance from point A to point B, Sometimes it’s pointless with a chance of possibilities
Horizon meets vertical, and lost angel’s tears grow the earth in sweet relief
Her restlessness is for the best, as settling grows weary, but lets her know what doesn’t work and what grows her
The challenge of lost angel is to recognize she is good, even in her indecisiveness
Even in her indecisiveness, she’s independent, she’s free, free to roam the world in its brightness and graying
Lost angel is a free spirit between the realms, passionate about so many intertwining scenarios, all of which add up to one, helping outside of herself
Guided only by a still, small voice calling from afar
As vast as the wilderness, hot as the desert and sparkling as the bluest ocean
Lost angel is a rebel with a cause
Herself

#FindHerFindYourself

Thought for Today

“To know that given a different set of circumstances, I could be the one without enough to eat, without a place to live, without hope, makes me feel obligated to help those who are less fortunate.” James Madison University Senior, “Fishing for a Major”

Lady 82Faye (étouffée)

Grace

GRACE

Bless your food before you eat
Bless your family and friends with life and good words
Bless the bed before you go to sleep
Bless your mind with positive thoughts so that your future may follow suit
Bless your body with good fortune
And let grace be with you, because we are all going through something
Life lessons we are taught to enrich our beings
Peace and blessings your way

Lady 82Faye (étouffée)

Disconnected

DISCONNECTED

I called myself connecting to the wi-fi of life, for its claims of making it so much better

Faster downloads, GPS capabilities, better connections

I fell in love with this appeal, the opportunity to bring the world together

So I checked it out

Looking for gold pots at the end of rainbows and lollipops and the vision of everyone having a Come To God and Enlightenment moment,

I found people at each other’s throats behind pettiness…

Who’s prettier, which is the better political party, my religion is the right hand of God, X race is superior, why are you so dumb, ditch the extra weight/the nappy hair/those clothes are so yesterday.

No, I didn’t expect perfection,

But I did expect more open-ended dialogue, more positive discussion, more being open-minded, for people to not necessarily give up their beliefs, but not be so caught up in standing their own ground in being right that they lose sight of other people’s struggles and beliefs.

 

Yep.

Life’s wi-fi let me down

So I disconnected.

Lady 82Faye (étouffée)

Lo And Behold

Lo and Behold

Lo and Behold.
A proclamation challenging us to look,
take notice
Something big is about to happen
Can’t you see?
Won’t you at least hear?
Lo and Behold.
It’s the voice in the wilderness calling us to the time of salvation
It’s the still, small voice calling us home
It’s the nagging feeling leading us to purpose and freedom
It’s the knock at the door we must hush to hear
It’s a new thing in a world that frowns upon positive and change
Lo and Behold
Is the tide that the shore receives in all of its moods
The sun that shines in good and bad, clouds and rain
The rainbow’s promise from years past
The joy in tears even when we don’t understand it all
Lo. And. Behold.
Can’t have one without the other.
It’s the give and take
The Yin and Yang
The joy and pain
Sunshine and Rain
Of all that is Holy and Sacred
It tells us to taste and see,
The everyday goodness and hope in the midst of darkness
Indeed, it is freeing to free the soul to behold that still, small voice.
Lo and Behold.

Lady 82Faye (étouffée)

UMOJA!

UMOJA!

Umoja: “To strive for and maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.” From “The Official Kwanzaa Website” http://www.officialkwanzaawebsite.org/NguzoSaba.shtml

It is no coincidence that the first day of Kwanzaa is Umoja, or unity. Without unity, a lot of things do not matter. Unity calls us to shop with each other, check on each other, and encourage one another. “United we stand, divided we fall.” United, we are stronger. United, we are a better cohesive unit. Everyone needs uplifting. Everyone needs someone who will hold them accountable for their goals, dreams, when they need correction. So, on this first day of Kwanzaa, may we remember to uphold, uplift, support, and love one another, as we continue to navigate this thing called life.

Unite

Unite in the beauty of our people
Unite in the name of love
Unite for the love of our family
Unite to grow our block and our country
Unite because it makes us better
Let the love of self pour out and bond us together
In black, green and red
Strive and maintain
Umoja = Uplift

Hamjambo and Habari Gani?

Holidays, Mental Health, and You

HOLIDAYS, MENTAL HEALTH, AND YOU by Alfreda

(NOTE: This was an article I had written for Raynbow Affair Magazine, http://www.raynbowaffair.com)

The holiday season is once again upon us: good music, festivities, family time, and hectic schedules and deadlines surround us. The holidays can also be a time of reflection: being thankful for life, health, and/or a religious figure; a time for finding and renewing purpose and promises to ourselves, others, and a higher calling/God. Sadly, the holidays can also mean a period of painful memories, lived and relived. Whether it is because of something from the past or because of some recent event, some suffer through mental illness, including, but not limited to, depression and suicidal ideations. The lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) community, as well as the music industry, are not excluded from the reality of mental illness.

Here are some important facts about mental illness: about 26%, or 1 in 4, Americans suffer from some form of mental illness (Bostwick, 2007). It is suggested that the LGBT community may be at a higher risk (2.5 times more likely) of having depression, anxiety, and substance abuse disorders than heterosexuals. Gay and bisexual men are more likely to have major depression and panic disorder; lesbian and gay women are more likely to experience generalized anxiety disorder. Twenty percent (20%) of lesbian and bisexual women, and 25% of gay and bisexual men, have experienced some form of verbal or physical violent act due to orientation, which can lead to depression or other illnesses. Many may also internalize negativity and stereotypes of mental illness and homosexuality, also making it difficult to treat mental illness.

When it comes to being gay and having mental illness, many suffer unnecessarily because of others’ insensitivity, ignorance, bigotry, and stereotypical feel: the medical profession, many of whom thought that being gay was a mental illness until that was debunked by the American Psychological Association; family, friends, and/or religious organizations that tend to distance themselves; law enforcement; and those in the music industry, who, in trying to stay relevant or take the spotlight off of them, try to shame those who suffer from mental illness (Miley Cyrus tweeting out cries for help by Sinead O’Connor, who suffers from bipolar disorder, Wyatt, 2013). What can be done to bring awareness to mental health that is inclusive but broad, especially for the LGBT community, and particularly during the holiday season? One, please know that there is help and hope. If you or someone you know is dealing with a mental illness, then have them seek help, or ask questions. Below are some numbers of organizations that may be able to lead you to help or answer questions.

Two, know or recognize potential symptoms and signs of mental illness, which the Mayo Clinic (2014) lists as:

• Feeling sad or down;
• Confused thinking or reduced ability to concentrate;
• Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt;
• Extreme mood changes of highs and lows;
• Withdrawal from friends and activities;
• Significant tiredness, low energy or problems sleeping;
• Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations;
• Inability to cope with daily problems or stress;
• Trouble understanding and relating to situations and to people;
• Alcohol or drug abuse;
• Major changes in eating habits;
• Sex drive changes;
• Excessive anger, hostility or violence; and
• Suicidal thinking.

This is important to being properly diagnosed and finding the right treatment plan (medication, therapy, or something as simple as bed rest) and specialist, if needed. Three, find people who are positive and encouraging but firm to be around. A great support system is vital in getting through anything. Four, help someone else who is going through something, whether it is similar or not. Five, please know that a mental illness is not the end of the world! Be proud of who you are and who you are going to become – a force of light to be reckoned with! Six, keep a journal. It doesn’t have to be long entries; it can be a sentence or two just stating how you feel and what your day was like. It can help with moving forward and noting changes. Seven, LIVE ON PURPOSE! Find something that you love to do and work with it!

Mental health in and of itself is not to be taken lightly, whether it is ourselves, by artists or those closest to us. It, like being gay, should not be a label that continues to stigmatize people or continue being a taboo topic because people want to continue to sweep it under the rug as out of sight, out of mind. For this holiday season, my prayer for the LGBT community as a whole, and especially for those who suffer from mental illness, is that you find strength, comfort, and wisdom in something or someone that will hold you down; that you know that you are loved, blessed, a blessing, and more courageous than you may know; and that there is help and hope out there. Be of good courage, and happy journeying!

Thoughts for today:

Today I won’t limit/What I know I can do now/I’m purposed for this
Tyehimba Eshe Folami Tulinagwe (name meanings): “We are a nation (of) life! (Please) respect and honor me, (because) God is with us.”

Beautiful by India.Arie https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pOfhbLn8fw8

If you, or someone you know, is in need of help or resources, please contact the following (from NAMI.org article):

1. GLBT National Hotline: 1-(888)-THE-GLNH – (888) 843-4564
2. Rainbow Youth Hotline: 1-(877)-LGBT-YTH – (877) 542-8984
3. LGBT Suicide Prevention Hotline: TheTrevorProject.org; 1-(800)-850-8078
4. NAMI: nami.org; 1-(800)-950-NAMI – (800) 950-6264
5. Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays: pflag.org
6. American Psychological Association: apa.org/pi/lgbc/
7. Rainbow Heights Club: rainbowheights.org

Purpose, Purposed, and Blessings!

REFERENCES:

Bostwick, Wendy B., PhD, MPH. (June 2007). Mental Health Issues Among Gay,            Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) People. Arlington, VA: National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), www.nami.org, http://www.nami.org/Content/ContentGroups/Multicultural_Support1/Fact_Sheet_1/GLBT_Mental_Health_07.pdf, accessed October 10, 2014.

Mayo Clinic Staff. (May 3, 2014). Symptoms. http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/mental-illness/basics/symptoms/con-20033813, accessed October 17, 2014.

Wyatt, Daisy. (October 4, 2013). British mental health charities slam Miley Cyrus for mocking bi-polar Sinead O’Connor. From http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/british-mental-health-charities-slam-miley-cyrus-for-mocking-bipolar-sinead-oconnor-8859412.html, accessed October 10, 2014.